Are You Dressing for Yourself or Your Age?

Have you ever stood in front of your wardrobe, looked at all the clothes hanging there and thought, I've got absolutely nothing to wear?

You pull out a top, hold it against yourself and put it back. You try on a pair of trousers, decide they don't look quite right and reach for the same jeans you wore last weekend.

And perhaps you end up wearing the outfit you always wear because, well, at least you know you feel comfortable in it.

There's nothing wrong with having favourite clothes. In fact, isn't it lovely when you find something you enjoy wearing so much that you want to wear it again and again?

But have you ever looked at the clothes you don't wear and wondered why they're still hanging there?

Perhaps there's a beautiful dress you bought for an occasion that never quite happened. Maybe you love the colour of a particular blouse, but every time you put it on, you change your mind. Or perhaps there's an outfit you bought because somebody told you how lovely it looked, even though you weren't entirely convinced yourself.

Sometimes clothes simply don't fit properly. Sometimes they're uncomfortable, impractical or no longer suit the way we live. And sometimes we genuinely love something but haven't quite found the occasion, the shoes or the confidence to wear it.

It can be interesting to notice the difference.

Is there something in your wardrobe that you really love but never wear?

And if there is, what stops you from reaching for it?

Perhaps you've caught yourself saying something like, I'm too old to wear that now.

Maybe it's a shorter dress, a bright lipstick, a pair of jeans or a hairstyle you've always loved.

But what does being too old to wear something actually mean?

Is it that you no longer like it? Does it no longer feel comfortable? Has your taste changed?

Or is there a little voice somewhere in the background wondering what other people might think?

It's interesting how easily we can begin to make decisions about our appearance based on what we believe is expected of us.

Perhaps you used to love wearing colour but have gradually moved towards quieter clothes because you feel they're more appropriate now. Or maybe you've always preferred simple, understated outfits but feel you should be making more of an effort because everybody seems to be talking about finding their style.

You might be perfectly happy with your short hair, while someone else your age is growing hers down to her shoulders for the first time in years.

Neither woman is doing it wrong.

And perhaps that's worth remembering when we find ourselves looking at another woman and thinking, I wish I could wear something like that.

What is it about her style that catches your attention?

Is it the colour? The way she's put the outfit together? The fact that she looks comfortable? Or perhaps it's simply that she seems to be enjoying what she's wearing.

And could there be something in that which you'd enjoy exploring for yourself?

Think about how many different versions of your wardrobe you've had over the years.

Perhaps there was a time when you got dressed for an office every morning. You had your work clothes, your weekend clothes and a few lovely things for going out.

Then life changed.

Maybe you started working from home. Perhaps you retired, became a mother, went through menopause, changed careers or found yourself living a completely different life from the one you had ten years ago.

And suddenly some of those clothes didn't seem to belong in your everyday life anymore.

Perhaps your body has changed too, and the things you once reached for without thinking don't feel quite the same when you put them on.

That can be frustrating, can't it?

You might remember an outfit you absolutely loved wearing and wonder why you can't seem to find anything that makes you feel that way now.

But perhaps the answer isn't necessarily to recreate the wardrobe you had at 30 or 40.

Maybe it's worth getting curious about what you enjoy wearing in the life you're living today.

What do your days actually look like?

Do you spend most of your time at home, at work, out with friends or looking after other people?

Do you enjoy dressing up for an ordinary Tuesday, or would you rather save that lovely dress for an evening out?

What feels comfortable on your body now?

And what would you genuinely enjoy wearing if you weren't thinking about how you used to look?

Personal style doesn't have to stay the same throughout our lives. Our tastes can change, our bodies can change and the way we spend our days can change.

Perhaps our wardrobes are allowed to change with us.

Have you ever been shopping with a friend who absolutely loved something on you, so you bought it?

You could see why she liked it. Perhaps the colour was lovely, the fit was good and everybody agreed that it suited you.

But when you got home, you never quite felt like wearing it.

Or perhaps the opposite has happened.

You've tried something on, looked in the mirror and immediately loved it, only for somebody to say, Are you sure that's really you?

And suddenly you're not so sure anymore.

It's funny how quickly somebody else's opinion can change the way we see something we were enjoying just a few moments earlier.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with asking for advice. A friend might notice a colour you've never considered, and a professional can help you discover shapes, hairstyles or makeup techniques that you might not have tried on your own.

Sometimes those conversations open up wonderful new possibilities.

But perhaps there's a difference between being open to somebody else's ideas and allowing their opinion to make the decision for you.

Imagine trying on an outfit that you genuinely love.

You feel comfortable. You like the colour. You can picture yourself wearing it.

Then somebody tells you they wouldn't wear it.

Would that change how you feel about it?

And if it would, perhaps it's worth asking yourself why.

Not because their opinion is wrong, but because their personal style doesn't have to be yours.

There is so much inspiration available to us now.

You can scroll through Pinterest, Instagram or a fashion website and find beautiful outfits, hairstyles, makeup looks and ideas for almost any occasion.

And that can be wonderful.

Perhaps you see a woman wearing a colour you've never thought to try. Or someone has put together a simple outfit in a way that makes you think, Oh, I love that. I've already got something similar in my wardrobe.

But have you ever started looking for inspiration and ended up feeling that everything you own is suddenly wrong?

Your wardrobe isn't stylish enough. Your hair needs changing. You haven't got the right shoes. Perhaps you need an entirely new look before you can feel good about yourself.

And suddenly something that began as a little enjoyment has turned into another list of things you think you should change.

What if finding your personal style didn't have to mean replacing everything you already own?

Perhaps it could begin with noticing what you already love.

That pair of jeans you always reach for. The colour that makes you smile when you put it on. The earrings you wear so often that you hardly notice them anymore. The way you like to wear your hair when you're going somewhere special.

What is it about those things that you enjoy?

And is there a way to bring a little more of that into the rest of your wardrobe?

You might discover that you love simple clothes but enjoy adding a beautiful necklace. Perhaps you prefer wearing black but feel wonderful with a brighter lipstick. Or maybe you've spent years wearing trousers and would really enjoy trying a dress again.

You don't have to change everything to enjoy exploring something different.

And you certainly don't have to change anything simply because somebody else thinks you should.

There is another part of personal style that I think is worth exploring, and it's the relationship we have with ourselves.

Because have you ever put on an outfit you loved, looked in the mirror and immediately started looking for everything you didn't like about yourself?

Perhaps you notice your tummy before you notice the lovely colour you're wearing. You focus on your arms rather than how comfortable you feel in the dress. Or you decide that your hair looks terrible even though you were quite happy with it before you looked in the mirror.

And suddenly the outfit isn't the problem anymore.

The conversation you're having with yourself is.

That doesn't mean every time you dislike an outfit there's something deeper going on.

Sometimes the trousers really are uncomfortable, the colour doesn't suit your taste or the haircut simply isn't what you wanted.

But perhaps it's worth noticing when the conversation moves away from the clothes and becomes a judgement about you.

I can't wear that with my body.

I don't look like I used to.

Women my age shouldn't dress like that.

What will people think?

How often do those thoughts influence what you choose to wear?

And what might be different if, instead of immediately looking for something to criticise, you gave yourself a moment to notice what you actually like?

Perhaps you love the colour.

Perhaps the fabric feels beautiful.

Perhaps you feel comfortable and can move freely.

Or perhaps you simply look in the mirror and think, Yes, I really like this.

Wouldn't it be lovely to allow yourself to enjoy that moment without immediately searching for a reason why you shouldn't?

Maybe your personal style is a beautiful dress, heels and your favourite lipstick.

Maybe it's jeans, trainers and a crisp white shirt.

Perhaps you love having your hair styled and your makeup done, or maybe you feel most comfortable with very little makeup and your hair tied back.

You might love colour. You might love black. You might enjoy following fashion, or you might have worn the same style of clothes for years because you know exactly what you like.

There isn't one particular look that belongs to a quietly confident woman.

And there isn't an age at which you suddenly have to stop enjoying the things that make you feel good.

Perhaps personal style is less about creating an image of the woman you think you should be and more about allowing the woman you already are to express herself.

Not every outfit needs to make a statement. Not every day needs to be a beautifully dressed day.

Sometimes you might enjoy making an effort, and sometimes your favourite pyjamas are exactly what you want to wear.

The interesting thing is noticing whether you're making those choices because they genuinely feel right for you or because you've become accustomed to following somebody else's rules.

Because perhaps the most important question isn't, Does this make me look younger?

Or even, Is this fashionable?

Perhaps it's simply: Do I feel like me?

The next time you're standing in front of your wardrobe, perhaps take a moment to notice what you're drawn to.

Which clothes do you genuinely enjoy wearing? Is there something you love but keep saving for the right occasion? Have you stopped wearing something because of your age, even though you still really like it?

And when you look in the mirror, whose opinion are you listening to?

Your own?

Or perhaps an old rule, a passing comment or somebody else's idea of how a woman your age should look?

You don't need to throw everything out, buy a new wardrobe or completely change your appearance to explore your personal style.

You might simply find yourself reaching for something you haven't worn in a while, trying a different colour or enjoying an outfit you've worn a hundred times before.

And perhaps you'll discover that the question worth asking has very little to do with age at all.

Does this feel like me?

Because personal style isn't about dressing for the age you are, the age you used to be or the age somebody else thinks you should look.

It's about enjoying the freedom to express yourself in a way that feels right for you, in the life you're living today. ♡