The Mirror Isn't the Problem

Isn't it strange how quickly our eyes know where to go?

Almost without thinking, we notice the grey hairs appearing around our face before we notice our smile. We see the fine lines before we see the kindness in our eyes. We adjust our clothes, smooth our hair, turn sideways, tilt our chin and wonder whether anyone else will notice the things we've already decided are wrong.

Some mornings we walk away feeling quite pleased with ourselves.

Other mornings we leave the bathroom convinced we've somehow changed overnight.

Yet the mirror simply reflected what was standing in front of it.

Everything else came from the conversation happening inside our own minds.

I've realised over the years that many of us have quietly learnt to measure ourselves through other people's eyes.

As little girls we were often told to be quieter, calmer, less noticeable. We learnt that being accepted sometimes meant fitting in. We experimented with clothes only to be told they didn't suit us. We expressed ourselves, and sometimes someone laughed. Little by little we learnt to edit ourselves before the world had the chance to do it for us.

By the time we're adults, we often don't even realise we're still carrying those conversations.

We simply think we're looking in the mirror.

Here's the part that changed everything for me.

Changing the relationship you have with yourself doesn't mean you suddenly stop caring about your appearance.

It doesn't mean you have to embrace every grey hair if colouring your roots makes you feel more like yourself. It doesn't mean throwing away your makeup because you've decided self acceptance means you shouldn't enjoy beauty anymore.

Not at all.

If colouring your hair brings you joy, colour it.

If putting on lipstick makes you stand a little taller, wear it.

If choosing clothes that reflect your personality helps you feel like yourself again, that's a beautiful form of self expression.

The question isn't whether you colour your hair.

The question is why.

Are you expressing yourself...

or are you trying to earn your own acceptance?

Those two things may look identical from the outside, but they feel completely different on the inside.

I've come to believe that the mirror has never really been the problem.

It has simply reflected the relationship we've been carrying with ourselves all along.

Perhaps that's why two women can stand in front of the same mirror, with the same grey hairs, the same laughter lines and the same changing body, yet walk away feeling completely differently.

One sees everything that's wrong.

The other sees a woman she has learnt to be kind to.

The reflection hasn't changed.

The relationship has.

The next time you catch your reflection, pause for just a moment before looking for something to fix. Instead, ask yourself:

"What story am I bringing to this mirror today?"

You may discover that the mirror has been quietly waiting for you to see something entirely different.

♡